What the #1 Childless Mommy Blogger Thinks of SAHMs (Post 47)

So, who in the hell is the “#1 Childless Mommy Blogger?”  Well, me – of course.  The childless is, well, because no matter how much Wifesy and I try (and -oh- try we do) we can’t get a baby to come out of our vertical smiles.  Plus, I’ve been oh so busy with a full blown stand up career.  The #1 term I use because if I don’t say it – who in the feck will?  You gotta love yourself, you know?


That leaves – SAHMs.


Just what in the feck is an SAHM?  Is it some kind of S&M fetish term?  Maybe it stands for Super Awesome Homemade Magic.  Maybe it stands for Silence A**hole Honey Mad.  Nope.


It stands for STAY-AT-HOME-MOMS.


I really had no idea.


stay at home mom

Stay at home, my a**. Me and moms, we on the move!


I started blogging and I thought, “…just what is this cult of the SAHM?”  I kept seeing it over and over.  It was like #yolo or #nfb to me.  I felt in the closet.  I felt not in-the-know.  I don’t like that feeling.  So, I had to google it, people.  Finally, I got to the bottom of it.


It seems there’s a quiet war going on between the stay at home moms and the moms who don’t stay at home or I suppose you could call them – working moms.


Why in the hell this is even a conversation at all??!!  I’m not totally sure.


I suppose it’s because the SAHMs feel like they need to justify their stay-at-home-ness and the working moms need to justify their get-me-the-feck-to-an-office-ness.


The whole thing leaves me with this strange and wonderful, made-up feeling:


“Those who let growing humans suck at their teat should not throw warm bottles at the other women who are also allowing some sort of non-sexual teat-suck.”


In plainer English – why don’t we all leave each other alone?


As for the working moms, I think – good for you.  You have a passion, you get out there and do it, and you have a kid.  Great.  As for the SAHMs, I’m inclined to think – staying at home, raising something, keeping a house in order, making meals, shuttling little beings around, well – IT’S HARD FECKIN’ WORK.


In other words, the grass is sh*t brown on both sides of the fence.  Well, not really, a lot of SAHMs and working moms LOVE what they fill each and every day up with.  What I mean is there’s a downside to each yard.  Utopia doesn’t exist.  Let’s stop pretending like it does.


woman in a power suit

“You have no idea how much sh*t I take at the water cooler for wearing this man’s suit.”


I do believe that SAHMs are under-appreciated.  But, then again, I could say the same thing for women in the workplace.  Basically, if a woman does it, it’s usually under-valued.


If you’re a dude and you’re still reading (first off, you should get a prize) let me just say – stay at home ANYTHING is under-appreciated.  SAHDs?  Does that acronym even exist?  It can’t be easy for you.  Not only is your work under-valued, but now your entire projection of manhood is also called into question??!


I know because I am now a SAHLCMB – stay at home lesbian childless mommy blogger.  Granted, I make some dough.  Granted, I’m trying to land a gig that would take me from SAHLCMB to WLACCWPPT (Working Lesbo At Cool Company With Ping Pong Table).  Regardless, I get it.  I work 8 hours writing.  That’s right, 8 hours.  I play with, feed, wash, walk, and put to bed our dogs.  I clean the house, grocery shop, cook food, run out to various interviews – AND write 8 hrs a day or more.

Sometimes I want to off myself.


The perception when you work from home or when your home IS your work is that you’re a lay-about type person drinking wine who only has to put a decent meal together in order to be of value.  That is only me on Thursdays.  I’m kidding.  It’s not true and that perception sucks.


As a kid I saw the movie, Freaky Friday starring Jodie Foster.  There have been a million incarnations of that particular type of movie.  The entire concept is “walk a mile in THEIR shoes” or “let’s switch places, so you’ll know how I live.”


When I waited tables, I felt like every person should be FORCED to wait tables before they are ever allowed to eat in a restaurant again.  Sometimes it’s only through doing the thing that we can ever feel empathy.


Maybe that’s what SAHMs and working moms need – to switch out the board room for the nursery from time to time and vice a versa.  The dudes too.  If you support your wife – switch places while you’re on vacation.  Stay at home, take care of everything, just as she does and let her bring home the bacon for the week.


It’s not so hard to see how EVERYTHING is just work.  Pleasurable work, sometimes.  Awful work at other times. But, all the time – it’s work.  Now someone, please, make me a turkey pot pie!!



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superwoman, power-suit, baby-a-go-go