Joustin’ Beaver! And Other Celeb Cartoons that SHOULD Happen.

TMZ reports that a game company has released an app called, “Joustin’ Beaver”.  The beaver looks markedly like Justin Bieber and the Biebs is pissed.  Lawyers have been contacted, court proceedings may follow.  But, this got me thinking…what other celebrities SHOULD have their likenesses stolen and made into cartoons?


I’ve come up with a list.

Angelina Jo-Jenga:  An angel – that surprisingly has the exact face of Angelina Jolie – works for Habitat for Humanity.  But, this Angelina Jo-Jenga is a royal f*ck up with a heart of gold.  Every house she builds falls down like a pack of cards.  Enjoy this cartoon romp as the construction workers and administrators around Angelina Jo-Jenga try to keep her homes in one piece, while Angie strives for world peace.  Watch out, she might adopt you if that falling sheetrock doesn’t get you first!

Chris Brownout:  is an adorable little skunk who brings trouble where ever he goes.  You see, Chris Brownout, acts just like his name says and whenever he’s around an electrical source the power gets wiped out.  Mayhem ensues when the skunky, Chris Brownout, tries to board a plane to Barbados shutting down the entire airport and causing all the incoming planes to land by candlelight.  People often turn on Chris because of all the trouble he causes.  You’d feel bad for this little skunk, if the wallopings weren’t so deserving.


Stuck somewhere? I can help.

Jammin’ James Franco Ferret:  Ferrets, when excited, will do something known as a “weasel war dance”.  This consists of frantic sideways hops and bumping into things.  However, most ferrets do not do this to any kind of background music, except for Jammin’ James Franco!  It is the “weasel war dance” where Jammin’ James Franco Ferret comes alive.  His body contorts, his fur shines, music plays seemingly out of no where, AND THEN he saves lives.  Jammin’ James materializes when people are most in need – mainly when they are stuck in things – mine shafts, wells, burning buildings, underwater, and if they somehow get their arm jammed between a rock and a hard place while hiking.  James shows up during these poor souls’ darkest hours.  This is when he engages in his Jammin’ James Franco Ferret Weasel War Dance.  No one can resist it.  Either the trapped free themselves, are rescued, or on the rare occasion – die joyfully.  After each rescue James heads back to his “business” – which is the common term for a group of ferrets.  Other characters often say, “Where you goin’, James?”  To which James replies, “Back to my business!”

One man’s junk, another man’s treasure.

Justin Timberlake, Wise Wall Bass:  A depressed and discouraged goth-teen attends a flea market with his family.  At one table, an old “Big Mouth Billy Bass” singing wall mount catches his eye.  This particular singing bass sticks out because its face is surprisingly similar to that of Justin Timberlake.  The goth-teen asks the vendor if he can try it out and hear it sing.  The vendor says, “No.  It’s out of batteries.”  Then the vendor tries to take the Wise Wall Bass and hide it under the table, but goth-teen is on to him.  “I want the Justin Wall Bass!” he demands.  The vendor says, “$200 then,” thinking this amount will be too much for goth-teen.  But, goth-teen has two benjamins burning a hole in his pocket.  He was saving for Marilyn Manson tickets.  The concert is next week, but goth-teen’s girl left him and he was thinking of offing himself anyway, sooooo…Justin gets purchased.  Goth-teen brings the Wise Wall Bass home, plugs some batteries in it, and mounts the fish in his room.  Immediately, the bass lights up and begins to sing, “Cry Me A River”.  Then Justin’s fish-face turns and looks right at goth-teen.  He dispenses the wisest advice a fish-toy could ever give to a teenager.  The result is that goth-teen decides to live!  Everyday, goth-teen consults Justin Wise Wall Bass before and after school.  This results in a mentor-student relationship akin to Mr. Miyagi and the Karate kid.  Goth-teen grows and improves under Justin’s watchful eye.  In fact, he starts a side business that markets black eyeliner – black eyeliner that will help you see into the future.  Goth-teen becomes a wealthy man.  Justin Wise Wall Bass stays with him forever – always, always singin’, “Cry Me A River”.


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Photo Creds:  TMZ Beaver, Ferret, Bass