Good morning, Sweet Mother-ites. Oh, lawd, lawd. I fought through these jokes today. Hopefully they don’t sound as pained as they made Momma feel, but -oh- they might, they might. In other news, my computer is at the computer hospital, which I’m taking in stride because it’s a computer and not a person, right? Right?! That’s how I should handle it, by not freaking out…RIGGGGHT?! It’s just a computer. It’s sick and hopefully it will not take all of my gig money to pay for it. I swear if there was a computer-blue-cross-blue-shield, I just might opt in right now.
I think my brief respite from longer post/ story writing is helping. Since after a few days of nothing, but jokes, I can’t wait to get into a bit of dialogue and story telling. I suppose, creatively-speaking, it always helps to shake things up a bit. And if you haven’t been here before, you should know that I always respond to my own jokes in the () after each comedy bit.
Without further adieu, today’s funnies…
America’s first female astronaut, Sally Ride, came out as a lesbian in her obituary. Her co-pilots in a show of solidarity stated, “Her sexuality never mattered to us, but we will say that Birkenstocks are just as ugly when viewed in outer space.”
(Wah, Wah! Wachovia.)
After orgasm men experience decreased activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is why they fall asleep after sex. Apparently, women experience decreased activity in the “singin’ basket” when being nudged by a log from behind. (My advice: Dudes, try waking her up first.)
(Peas, purse! Lawd, I think that joke had an epilogue!)
Mariah Carey to join American Idol for a whopping $18 million. Hollywood forecasters believe if the show keeps going the network will eventually be forced to hire Ted Nugent. Thankfully, the network promises to pay him in Groupon Therapy coupons and “Backwater Back-Wash” – a new aftershave by the Glenn Beck Foundation.
Mama Jackson has gone missing. Meanwhile, Janet and Jermaine are fighting out on the lawn. Don’t worry. Under Charlie Sheen’s supervision, the family is planning a Torpedo of Lightly Blackened Truth, Holy Feck, Whose White Kids Are These Tour.
18 cops in China attempted to rescue a sex doll that they thought was a drowning woman. Unfazed, a local man said, “You should see what these tofu-brains do for one missing p*ssy. They chase her all the way up bonsai tree.”
(Flim, Flam, Flan.)
Well, that’s all for today, my friends. As always, I love hearing from you in the comments section and if you’ve got anything I should joke about, let me know. Only 3 days to go.
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