It seems I’ve been given another award by the lovely, Carrie Rubin. I enjoy Carrie’s blog immensely. She is a very talented writer. Please check her out. It is the “Awesome Blog Content” award. I am grateful for this award and dutifully, I am adhering to the rules. It seems the rules are to use all 26 letters of the alphabet to say something about yourself. But, since I am a comedian and a writer and therefore a rule-breaker, much like Carrie, herself, here is my altered list:
26 celebrities and / or animals that annoy me:
(In alphabetical order)
Anne Heche – I included this in my ‘annoying things about the world of lesbo’ post here. But, if you need a cliff notes version – said she was gay, dated the gayest woman in the world – Ellen Degeneres, made a big stink about her gay, gay, gayness, and her married to Ellen-ness, then she took it all back. Before doing so, she was found muttering in someone’s garden off the 405. In her book she claims that she is also a part-time alien. The name of her part-time alien persona is Celestia. Kill. Me. Now.
Baby seals – So. Cute. To. Look. At. Must. Shield. Eyes. Ugh. No. Blinded by cuteness. STOP IT. Have things to do!
Courtney Love – coulda been the SO cool queen of rock. Mostly ended up totally drunk. Annoying.
Dionne Warwick – You’re not a psychic. STOP IT.
Elephants – they can shower you clean with their snouts and they have ears like big leaves. That’s all you need to know.
Frank Zappa – I know some people think he’s a genius. But, I don’t know what he’s talking about, really, ever. I also think Jackson Pollack paintings sort of look like a mess spilled on to a canvas.
Geico Gecko – I don’t want to like this friggin’ animated, British, lizard-thing. But, I fudgen’ do. Thankfully, it hasn’t made me purchase the insurance. Yet.
Hugh Hefner – I hate to be the barer of bad news here, Hef, but those chicks are only into you because of your money. Plus, you’re almost dead and all this talk of you as the king of dirty-town now sounds kind of gross.
Inxs – you were a great band. Your lead singer was hot. And now because of drugs and suicide I can’t enjoy you and neither can the world. Annoying and sad. I’m also mad at Sublime for this reason.
Jersey Shore – Is there a way to have a tsunami that acts like a guided missile and takes out only one specific house on the Jersey shore? A house where a used-to-be, music channel is now filming a shitty reality show? Where are the floods and the locusts when you need them?
Kilimanjaro – okay, not a celebrity nor an animal. But, it’s a beautiful mountain and I’m pretty sure I will never climb it. That’s annoying.
Ligers – some a-hole genetically mixed a lion and a tiger. Now, the world’s cutest thing can kill you and at the same time forever suffer from a schizophrenic personality. Nice job, Progress.
Mandy Moore – I’m sure she’s nice. I just can’t stand the alliteration of her name.
Newt Gingrich – I think he’s a liar. I just do. And his head is boxy-looking. That seals the deal.
Octopus – Eight arms! Eight Arms! That’s a lot of hugging. No, stop. No, wait. No, yes. Am I dead yet from this glorious beast?
Pauly Shore. No explanation needed.
Quill pig – Another name for a porcupine. Cute little faces, but you can’t get close. Why? QUILLS!!! Here’s a lot of cute and a lot of prickly like keeping the candy behind barbed wire. Annoying.
Rihanna – Maybe their weren’t a lot of men on the island where she’s from. But, now she’s on the mainland. So, someone tell her she doesn’t have to stay with the one that beats on her.
Sandra Bernhard – used to love her. But, my friend did a string of gigs with her recently and she was a total diva – not-so-nice, wenchy-poo. So, she’s on the annoying list.
Taylor Swift. Proof that I will never fully understand the masses.
Urethra Franklin – a drag queen impersonator of Aretha Franklin. I made this up. But, the fact that it doesn’t really exist is upsetting and therefore, it makes the annoyance list.
Vanna White – a whole career where your only talent is turning over letters and displaying prizes. No. Annoying.
Wendy Williams – this woman would sell her soul to raise her ratings. She’s about one step up from Basketball Wives in her level of classy. You’ll have to trust me on this. I have first hand knowledge.
Xzibit – It took me 4 minutes to figure out that this is pronounced “Exhibit”. He is a rapper. When you’re that much of a douche with your name, you make the list.
Yancy Butler – this is a television actress. She has a bit of a drinking and drugging problem. Otherwise, I kind of like her. But, her name is Yancy. So, she make the list, much like Xzibit before her. Though it’s really their parents who should be put on trial.
Zebra – The fact that this pattern exists in nature is enough to make any interior designer explode. But, since I’m not an interior designer, I shall remain intact. Annoyed, but whole. Like most of my existence.
Hopefully this list annoyed you into a smile. If it didn’t, make your own annoying list and put my blog on it. Just make sure you include a link-back. LOOOOOL.
Here are the blogs I would like to pay-it-forward to:
Jason Good – not on wordpress, but an about to be published friend of mine.
I thought awards were for other people.
Seriously, I thought that.
But, the lovely Alison over at World as Home has changed all that and gifted me with this lovely honor. First of all, Ally is Canadian and I frickin’ love Canadians. Secondly, she lives in Greece, writes about that, traveling and teaching English. It’s a very worthwhile blog that you should check out, if you haven’t already. I’d like to say a big thank you for this very kind, link-love.
The Liebster blog award’s orgins are unclear, but what I did find out is that it means something akin to ‘beloved’ or ‘darling’ in German. The award is for newer blogs with under 200 followers who the giver feels should be getting more love. Since my blog is scarcely a month old, I’m honored, indeed.
The Liebster Blog Award Rules:
1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog (done and done)
2. Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you (done and done)
3. Copy and paste the blog award on your blog (done and done)
4. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 5 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed (see below)
5. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog (about to do!)
Here are the blogs I’d like to include in this pay it forward. I’m not sure if they all have under 200 followers, but they are all interesting reads.
Wendy’s Works – Wendy over at Wendy’s Works is a delight. She is also probably the best commenter there is. If you have a blog, you’ll understand how important this is. She rights some fast fiction over there and some other true and real pieces about writing and life. I always enjoy her work and I love it when she stops by my site. Also, she’s Canadian! (Are you sensing a theme? He, he.)
Bill McMorrow – I just think this guy is funny and after many years in the joke flingin’ business I feel like I’m a good judge of that. Plus, if his tag line doesn’t get you then I don’t want to know you…It is “Joke ‘em if they can’t take a fuck.”
Riatarded – Anybody named Ria who can call their blog ‘Riatarded’ is okay in my book. Ria writes all over the interwebs and will talk about anything from child pageants to flushing the dang toilet. Check her out.
Gemini Girl in a Random World – Okay, this girl doesn’t really need the link-love seeing as she’s already been “freshly pressed”. But, that alone should tell your something about her – She’s a great writer and consistently one of the best reads in my inbox.
Black Door Press – I just like this girl. Some of her writing is kinky, some of it is not. All of it is good. She’s well on her way to getting published too. So, stop by her blog and get hooked.