Dear Fat Dudes,

I am here to tell you that you need to get on your knees and thank the world every muthalovin’ day that you have a penis.  Granted, maybe you had trouble finding it this morning, but it is only because you have a penis that people are a touch kinder to you about your weight.

 

Know, that if you were a woman, if you were even 10 lbs overweight…some a-hole, somewhere, would find a way to point it out.  It might be the a-hole as you make the horrible mistake of simply crossing the street who yells something from his car trying to impress his friends, it might be this a-hole who goes to the grocery store and is so disgusted by overweight women that he needs to blog about it, it might happen through anonymous blog comments that are left for you simply because you are going about your life and doing your job, as happened to the female news anchor in the clip below.  Regardless, know that if you were cursed by being both fat and having to carry around a vag – IT WOULD HAPPEN.

 

I love this guy too. But, let’s face it, he’s not always forced to play opposite Kathy Bates. He’s got options.

 

Of course, I know, there are a lot of fat men who are in pain.  Of course, I know that meanness knows no gender lines.  But, I also know that the sh*t sandwiches are skewed horrifically NOT in a woman’s favor.  Yes, there are some men where their own shame is enough.  Their own feeling of being out of control and maybe not even being around for their kids in the future, that is enough.  But, what if it didn’t matter if those things were enough to make you feel like sh*t everyday?  What if society didn’t care?  What if you felt like sh*t due to your weight AND the world decided to serve you up a double helping of a sh*t sandwich to go along with it?

 

Because that’s what happens to women.  Everyday.

 

We live in a fatist (fat hating) society – the fat are despised (especially the women) and yet, the processed food is pushed.  Doesn’t that seem wrong to you?  It’s like admonishing the heroin addict while you help them shoot up.

 

Think I’m being too strict of a feminist, here?  Do you think fat men have it as bad as women?  Really?  Then show me the fat, female, comedian married to her skinny husband on a popular sitcom.  Oh, right, that doesn’t happen.  But, it does the other way.  A fat male comedian gets a skinny wife, no problem.  But, if the female actress is fat, then she MUST have a fat husband.  See Roseanne.  See Melissa McCarthy.  And if you don’t believe me on the fat guy gets the skinny girl tip, then see King of Queens.

 

Reverse their genders and it’s almost unfathomable…

 

People always say, “Well, that’s because women aren’t as concerned with looks as men are.”  In other words, a skinny woman will date a fat guy, but not vice versa.  There’s some truth to that.  So, I say – STOP IT.

 

Straight women of the world, treat your chubby men to the same scrutiny that chubby women are subjected to.  Show them magazines of hot, zero-body-fat-studs, tell them those jeans make their ass look fat, and tell them you’re not going to let them visit the velvet garden until they drop a few.  Hit ‘em where it hurts, in the sex department.  Once this happens enough, maybe even slightly overweight men (Hell, maybe even skinny ones!  A girl can dream…) will start sticking up for the Rubenesque girls because they will know how it feckin’ feels.

 

Now, of course, there are men who fight this good fight already.  However, until the “dating fat chicks” requisite jokes stop, until a guy is told to drop weight by a studio more frequently (as happened here), until GOOD men truly understand the scrutiny women’s bodies are placed under – then this bullshit will keep happening.  A woman just doing her job will be served a sh*t sandwich.  See video below.

 

So, Fat Dudes, if you are dating a skinny woman thank the stars everyday that she hasn’t turned on you.  The cold truth is, the world would turn on you, if you were a she.  So, get on your knees and thank her.  Then drop a few and stick up for a fat chick.

 

Clearly, it’s the right thing to do.

 

Much love,

 

Sweet Mother

 

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily-ish.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the follow button at the top, right of the page.  Also, my second, madly, wonderful, creation – Canadica – is up.  Go here and check it out.

 

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You might also like:

What the f is wrong with David Blaine?

 

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Photo creds:

kingofqueens, jackblack

 

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83 thoughts on “Dear Fat Dudes,

  1. This makes me sick. Women have so many requirements projected onto them in terms of looks/mannerisms/behaviours while men pretty much get to do whatever they want in all of those areas.

    I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard “Well, he’s a guy, so it’s different.”

    Ok, I can get that there are differences between genders but those differences don’t need to be made unfair by expecting so much more from women than men.

    1. true, true, and true. watch the video (if you haven’t already), she handled it so beautifully and with such grace. AND it sounds like her husband was just as disgusted by the douche as she was. i’m just tired of it and i was in the mood for a good rant today… loool. xox, shannon, xoxox. sm

      1. Some people really need to learn the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I wish more people thought like those that supported her on Facebook. I hope you don’t mind me linking but I actually wrote two posts on this sort of thing in response to comments I’ve received: https://sksaxgirl.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/music-and-marketing-the-catch-22-of-an-independent-artist/
        and
        https://eurolinguiste.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/why-its-taken-me-four-years-to-finish-my-album-part-i/

  2. I saw that about the news anchorwoman on the news earlier, and I couldn’t believe it. She had a great comeback, but the fact that she had to do so is ridiculous. Both men and women are scrutinized, but I agree, women get the far greater brunt of it, especially in the entertainment world.

    1. it is hard for both men and women. however, i know that women get it worse. i see it all the time and i think, unfortunately, it stretches even further than the entertainment world. do i feel this harshly against the fat men of the world? of course not. but, thought i’d be as provocative as possible this morning to try and make a point. time will tell if it works. also, started seneca last night. and already i’m impressed…

  3. So that’s the news lady I’ve been hearing about! Good for her to stand up to bullying!!! I read a political blog this morning that talked about what Women don’t want from the politicians, and something along the lines of “if women were in control, we wouldn’t be having this conversation”
    http://www.blogher.com/join-us-what-women-dont-want-politics?from=topic

    It’s a pretty good article.

    As for the topic of this post, I agree that it’s more ok for men to be fat than women. We still have all those magazines at the check out showing glamorous skinny women on the covers, as if they are there to taunt you… “Go ahead and get that second gallon of ice cream, you’ll never be as skinny and beautiful as me” I was once a model, or tried my hand at it for a short time, I was told to lose at least 10 pounds, which was a shock because I was about 120 lbs at 19 years old and 5’6″. I thought I WOULD DIE if I lost any weight! Then came a drepression that packed on 50 lbs, no hope for modeling then because I knew what constraints the “biz” had on girls/young women. Lucky for me, I have a pretty good brain (to get a degree and a real job) and a love of real food (so I have something to blog about). I would rather be a healthy size to model healthy living to my kids. I know losing weight is a huge challenge for most people, if not all. The first step is small changes towards a healthier you 🙂 But you already know all of this, I’m probably preaching to the choir!

    1. indeed, indeed. all well said and yes, we all need to eat healthy. i am not anywhere near the size of the local anchor woman and yet this story bothers me immensely. a fat person knows they are fat. they don’t need to be told for feck’s sake. the world is hard enough. christ on a cracker. i don’t get the insanity of some people. as for women’s body issues, yep, we all have a lot to deal with. BUT, i do think this double standard of men can be fat and feck you, that’s just the way it is – has got to go. it’s archaic and it needs to be over.

  4. Along with the gender double standard, what I hate the most is the assumption that fat is a choice. It’s just not that simple.
    And the point that the newsanchor made- like she doesn’t know what she looks like. If the person who wrote that probably well-intentioned but very very hurtful message *really* wanted to help and make a difference, then that person shouldn’t have written the message and should have stuck a damn apple in their mouth.

    1. “stuck a damn apple in their mouth.” seriously, if every person who saw a person who was fat and somehow offended them, just dealt with their goddermned selves. ohhhhhh, what a wonderful world it would be. or if you’re really bothered, become a trainer and devote your life to helping fat people get thin. now that’s helpful, but a shitty comment, nope…NEXT!

  5. I do agree with you that women have it hard in this department. I have always believed that if enough women or, men for that matter, decry the societal norms when looking for a partner, the equilibrium will definitely shift. It is simply demand and supply. Like you say, if women looked at fat men with equal scrutiny and toned down the scrutiny on his paycheck, things might change. Men are then forced to keep up with the demand.

  6. A terrific topic on which to rant, Sweet Mum! I had to rush out of the house this morning (the train! the train!) before I could see the story on my local news channel so thanks for sharing this. So…Jennifer’s critic, Mr. Kenneth W. Krause of La Crosse, Wisconsin, has deigned himself worthy to offer his “advice and support” to her so that she may take this “…opportunity to influence the psychological health and well-being…” of that area’s children and “…transform herself over the next year…” OH PUUUHHHHLEEEEEEEEZZZZ! I wonder if Mr. Kenneth W. Krause of La Crosse, Wisconsin can find his own pee-pee with both hands…

    While I personally feel that ‘bullying’ may not have been the right spin to put on this, I sure do admire this mother-of-three daughters for choosing to address this on the air. And it has a lot of people talking, no doubt about that. Now what I’m wondering is if Mr. Kenneth W. Krause of La Crosse, Wisconsin, was not setting himself up for a bit of free publicity. It’s my understanding that he’s an attorney. He certainly comports himself in that manner; his comments were well-composed (he’s still an a**hole, IMO). But maybe he was going for the “any publicity is good publicity” angle…? Just my musings…

    1. that’s a very interesting point that you bring up, rams… the fact that he may just’ve been looking for a piece of free pr. it’s a definite possibility because lord knows this will go viral, if it hasn’t already. i’m with you tho… it’s simple, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all…’ and fat people know they are fat, damn it!!!! anyway, you bring up a lot of great points here. someone else mentioned that they were not sure if bullying was the right angle to take on this…and you both might be right. much love, sm

  7. I was humongous at birth (my poor mother!), and have been an armful ever since. I learned to be okay with it a long time ago. Interestingly enough, I recently got a 25 year old video of myself from a friend I haven’t seen for some time. I was 4 months pregnant at the time, and nowhere as large as I imagined myself to be! Women of the world unite: revel in your dangerous curves! xoxoM

    1. it’s so true. we often think of ourselves as so much bigger than we actually are. it’s sad. body dysmorphic disorder or something like that they call it. i think my wifesy has it. i mean, she has a body most women would kill for, but she keeps looking at one wrinkle in her skin and saying, ‘look at this fat roll!’ i mean, it’s nuuuuuuttts. xo, sm

  8. OMG you are freakin hilarious. I’ve often wondered the same thing. speaking from experience…not that my husband is f-a-t but he is a little over what he should be….over the years men tend to just let it all go where as women, we are always self conscious of how we look. We can’t ever just “let it all go”…I’m not skinny-skinny but we watch King of Queens almost every day and laugh that they are just like us!

    1. dock, thanks for leaving such a great comment. i’m with you, men CAN simply let themselves go, a bit more. even i do it!!! what i mean by that is, i see a chubbier guy and i go, ‘aw, he’s not that bad. like a teddy bear.’ a woman, and i never go, ‘aw she’s so cute, the extra fat is like a…’ it just doesn’t happen. i help her get on the treadmill. and there you have the jack black scenario because all of us women are willing to go, ‘aw, look at the teddy bear…’ whereas men look at a chunkier woman and go, ‘ew.’ i hate it! but, i love king of queens. 😉 anyway, thank you for reading the piece. your comment was great too. much love, sm

  9. Yes! Thank you! Both myself and my husband are on the definitely not-skinny end of the spectrum. Ever since I got pregnant and pushed out a baby, I have easily been the heaviest I’ve ever been and likely will ever be. But B has always told me I am beautiful and backed it up with actions too. He’s such a great man because not only does he look pass my extra weight but actually loves me for it. He’s my chunker, and I am his. It’s a great way to be.

    1. i love that b does that. i just do. i think often men don’t understand how far and deep (and important) that kind of praise can be. instead they criticize and think that it’s okay because men fall under a different set of rules. but, that doesn’t make for a happy life, making the other half of the world miserable all the time. there needs to be more men in the world like your b. xoxo, sm

  10. Oh my god, I am feeling so much rage from reading that dickhead’s blog post. I’m so fucking sick of women who are normal, i.e. Kate Winslet, being labeled “full figured,” which we all know is code for “fatso.”

    And thanks sweetmom for responding to that comment on Canadica. It was so bewildering to me, but that’s because I’m full-figured and the fat clouds my brain.

    1. oh, how the fat clouds my brain, as well. speaker, i’ll defend you and your brand of comedy any day. first off, it’s NOT malicious at all, except against the turds who absolutely deserve it. (i see a lot of myself in you, in that way.) regardless, when you’re funny, some people will just not get it. i’ve learned that the hard way over the course of my other career. so, don’t even mention it on the canadica tip. that comment was cray. as for this ‘fat incident’ – sigh – i think this is always going to happen to women. i just do. i know this guy – a smart, funny, well educated guy, and all he does on stage is fat women jokes. and all i can think is, ‘jesus, fat women have it hard enough.’ yet, i’m the only one whoever says anything to him about it and it never goes well when i do. even though we like each other. it’s as if, fat women are the thing that is absolutely allowed and accepted to make fun of because ‘how dare we’ be so fat. ugh. i think it’s ridiculous. xo, sm

      1. Just have to add my 2 pence…when ‘they’ called Kate Winslet “fat”, I almost lost it, and what I almost lost was definitely not weight. Kate Winslet is GORGEOUS! I’m about as straight as ‘they’ make ’em, but if I happened to ‘want’ for a gal, it would be Kate Winslet! Full-figured, Rubenesque, screw it, it’s all code for “fat”. Oh shixta, I can’t see for all the fat clouds…when I have time to write, I’ll write you all some “fat” stories, ’cause I’ve got “tons” of ’em!

  11. Amen, SM! Let men experience half of what women deal with in terms of stereotyped roles, double standards, unrealistic body sizes, age discrimination, and they’d be demanding change.
    Look at the top models, the so-called ideals of beauty and sexuality. Excuse me, they look like prepubescent boys. Is that what men should find sexually attractive? I think not.

    1. so well said, jm. so well said. as per usual. i’m sure there were some people who didn’t like this post. well, i know there were. but, regardless, i think it needed to be said. thanks you for reading it. i really appreciate it. much love, sm

  12. Lyssapants has it right. There is some underlying assumption that being “heavy” is a lifestyle choice. Like anyone would truly choose to be subjected to the ridicule and disdain of others. Like the newswoman, I have underlying health issues which have resulted in a large weight gain over the past several years. I am trying to deal with those. But my weight says nothing about me, my worth or my abilities. I used to be scrawny. So just remember all you skinnies out there, whatever you may look like today does not mean it will always be that way………just sayin’.

    1. “my weight says nothing about me, my worth, or my abilities.” well, if that doesn’t say it all, then i don’t know what does, chlost. honestly, so well said. there is this pervasive underlying (or sometimes said out loud in the case of the news anchor) feeling that women are total failures and a disgrace if they don’t keep themselves absolutely trim, fully make upped, in expensive clothing, with tits and arse, and everything else, perfect and at the ready. it’s exhausting. i strive to be human first. and a well made up barbie doll – dead last. well, never, actually. doesn’t mean i don’t take pride in my appearance, i do. but, if you let society dictate the level to which you need to go, i’m afraid none of us would ever leave the house or worse yet – the beauty products aisle.

      xo, sm

  13. I agree with everything you said….except for the part about not having sex until he loses a few pounds. I would be punishing myself too so that won’t work. 😉

    Society has brainwashed us into believing that slimmer is better and even I, to a point, look negatively at people who are overweight, especially if I see them eating ice cream or cake. I catch myself thinking something insulting and then quickly remind myself that I know nothing about this person, about their health, family history, or emotional well-being and I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Of course, I judge myself by even stricter standards and if I gain 5-10 lbs I refer to myself as fat.

    Curvy and full figured are extremely attractive (to me at least) and I think there is something seriously wrong with a society that idolizes women with boyish figures (no hips) and surgically enhanced breasts.

    Women are definitely judged in a harsher light than men are in the area of weight gain and it isn’t fair. Women pay more for things in general than a man does and it isn’t fair. Women are expected to work full time, raise a family AND do all the housework on her “days off” and it isn’t fair.

    Luckily, my mother raised me with the idea that life isn’t fair. Kudos to those of you who are outraged enough to want to change it.

    1. oh, lawd, i don’t know if it will ever change. but, i do somehow feel like it’s my duty to feckin’ say it’s ridiculous loudly. i don’t know why i feel self ordained in that way, but i do. it’s both a curse and a gift. loool. it is so true – that life is not fair FOR ALL OF US, women and men both. but, in the looks department, women get the short end of the stick. i think on at least this point, we can all agree. what bothered me the most about the news anchor thing is that the woman is just trying to do her feckin’ job and all i can think is, ‘leave her alone, she’s just going about her day and delivering the feckin’ weather. jesus.’ it’s so annoying. sigh. but, i don’t know if it will ever change. and of course, shag the chunky dudes. i was being more tongue and cheek, of course. loool. xo, sm

  14. Wow… that video, and its call for tolerance and kindness, really choked me up. Yes, we should be better than that. And YES, kids do learn from our example so we should be giving them much better role models to follow.

    Great post Mum.

  15. Moms, this is ridiculous. Men have it far more easier. Is it because that we, as women, don’t celebrate our bodies (or don’t care) as much as men do? I don’t know. I loved this woman doing this. But seriously, as long as we women continue to compare ourselves to a certain size and don’t revel in our own glorious selves, despite if we are 10, 20 pounds overweight and we keep reading those magazines that tell us we’re not perfect enough until we wear those skinny jeans, then it’s our own fault too. Don’t get me wrong, it is a double standard, but women need to own it and love each other. I could write a blog about this…how women compare themselves to each other. I don’t think men do that so much. Hubby doesn’t worry as much when he gains a pounds. Me, on the other hand, worries plenty. Great post.

    1. glad you liked it, briges. you know you bring up such a great point and i could write a whole other post about it myself – and that is – women can be the worst to OTHER WOMEN. that really is a whole other subject entirely. and then of course we are sooooo self critical. i’m hard on myself, but wifesy is always saying she’s fat and she’s literally got the perfect bod. it makes me crazy. sure, your hubby is easier on himself when he gains some weight, but the question is — is that because society doesn’t care if he’s a touch overweight and it HATES when women are? which would be why you are so hard on yourself… it’s where it comes from that bothers me. and i don’t think this stuff is so innate in men. i think men just don’t hassle other men and magazines don’t hassle other men and tv doesn’t hassle men and parents don’t hassle men about their feckin’ size. so, in the end, they don’t feel hassled! lol. but, bharat brings up a great point – i don’t think that men are without scrutiny. i DO think men are scrutinized more for their accomplishments then women are, which is a whole other can of worms entirely. but, of course, difficult in its own way. anyway, i’m glad i wrote this. it’s sparked some great debate on here, even though it cost me a couple of followers. much love, sm

  16. Word up.

    I have a friend, we’ll call her Ashley. Ashley dates a guy who is significantly overweight, and yet he is constantly scrutinizing her and making sure she watches her weight. I told her, “You don’t need to watch your weight. If my ass is any indication, it’s not going anywhere when you aren’t looking.” When she’s confronted him about the unfairness, that he is overweight, he responds that he’s a man. It’s different.

    Sadly, he’s right.

    1. She needs to ditch him….it’s not about the fact he’s a man and therefore can be overweight. He’s not a supportive partner. He’s a person that probably feels that her appearance is a reflection on him. Which is weird all on its own.

      1. “he’s a person that probably feels that her appearance is a reflection on him…” oh, i think there are so many men like that. so many more than anyone wants to talk about out loud… great point, paula.

    2. and THAT’S exactly what i was talking about in this post. I HATE THAT. i’m not saying it’s going to change. i’m not saying i have any answer. but, i do know that i wanted to voice that i hate the double standard. i mean life is feckin’ hard enough, so leave a girl alone! yet, it happens. hell, it happens to me and i’m a gaylord. i’m around men all the time and they may not criticize my weight to my face, but when i get really in shape and lose a few – they flood me with compliments. which is nice on the one hand, but on the other i go – shit, i didn’t even know you were looking and now i know you’re looking all the time! and if that doesn’t make a girl feel like she’s under a microscope then i don’t know what does. anyway, i hope ashley tells him to shut it…at least once in a while. 😉 sm

  17. On our local news broadcast last night, the male anchor pointed out that when he gets feedback from the audience, it is 80% content related. When his female co-anchor gets feedback, it’s 80% related to her appearance. He was, sadly, not surprised by what happened to the female anchor.

    I keep saying it. Why do people think they have a right or responsibility to tell other people how to live, how to look or who they can love? It’s my life. Go live your own.

    Thank you for your post. Whenever we remind people of their prejudices and how hurtful they can be, we’ve done a good thing.

    1. paula, this comment really stuck with me when i read it. i think that’s the thing right there. ‘the male anchor pointed out that when he gets feedback from the audience it’s 80% content related, when his female coanchor gets feedback, it’s 80% appearance related.” honestly, i hope everyone reads that statement. i can’t forget it now that i’ve heard it. so, thank you for leaving it here. xo, sm

  18. This woman is my hero. I was posting about her all day yesterday. I’m glad you posted this as your audience is much larger and it will be seen by more people. It needs to be seen by more people.

    1. i don’t know how much bigger my audience is and in fact, this post lost me a few followers. but, i’m still glad i wrote it. it needs to be said. over and over again, if necessary. you should leave your links to the posts here. others will probably read them, me included. 😉 xo, sm

  19. Ha! I loved that video, and was also going to write a follow up post to my fat post…but you beat me to the punch.
    I totally agree that fat is a feminist issue. It’s a human rights issue. Nobody has any jurisdiction over my body but me. We criticize other religions and peoples for telling women what to do with their bodies, but we go and do basically the same thing.
    I believe that there’s nothing wrong with fat bodies. More and more evidence is supporting what many fat activists already know: that health and fat are not linked the way we think it is. Being fat doesn’t mean being unhealthy. And being thin doesn’t mean being healthy. It’s a fallacy. Therefore, none of us are under any obligation to be thin. Even if fat was a so called “burden” on health care, when did we decide it was ok to make some people responsible for their health and not others? Anyway, as you can tell, I feel strongly about this. Fat hate is bullying, just like homophobia, racism, and xenophobia. I’m happy you took this on, SM.

    1. thanks for leaving such a great comment, lady sara. it’s so well said everything that you’ve pointed out that i’m just going to leave it as is. and hope others read it. and i hope you write that post. i think you’d have a really interesting take on it as you do on so many things. xo, sm

  20. The question you should be asking is not “If Fat Men have it as bad as Fat Women?”. You should be asking if Fat Men really have it as easy as you describe things to be.

    It is easy to discount the life experiences of Fat Men because Fat Acceptance historically has been so biased against Fat Men that it repels them.

    1. i don’t think i’m discounting them at all. in fact, i think that i pointed out that i realize that fat men can be in a lot of pain. and that this post does not apply to ALL fat men. however, what i was trying to do here (and i think succeeded) was provoke. plain and simple. a laundry list of things are randomly ‘argued at’ fat women. take, for example, the link i included to the man who found it so ‘disgusting’ to walk around the grocery store because there were simply too man fat women there just existing. that often happens. a blanket is thrown over all fat women and then a derisive ‘i can’t believe you…’ sort of tone is used to berate them. another prime example of that, is the video that i included below and the comment that was left for the news anchor. what i did was flip the script and applied the blanket theory towards all fat men, in an attempt to wake some people up. this was my goal. regardless, thanks for reading it and leaving your opinion here. all the best, sm

  21. Mmm. What does he want? Does he want her to drop all her other concerns, and make losing weight her first priority, just because he disapproves? The arrogance of it! Perhaps he would like her boss to sack her and employ a stick. Powerless, all he can do is snipe and whinge and send stupid emails. What a fuckwit.

    1. finally! i found your comment. and you are released! loool. i totally agree, clare. totally agree. people can be such unnecessary douches. this woman was only doing her job, but apparently she committed the cardinal sin of being an eyesore to a person without even a shred of compassion. sigh. sad, but true. anyway, off to read your post.. xo, sm

      1. Thank you.

        That question, “In what way is being gay a good thing?” is important to me. Of course “it gets better” than when you are closeted and bullied, and we can rub along with it; and often it is as good as being straight- in what ways is it actually a Blessing? Not just, “It is not as bad as being fat!!”

  22. I agree that obesity in men is tolerated more—in movies and in real life—but men aren’t measured as much by their looks, but by their achievements. So a man with low ambition or achievement isn’t given the time of day. Women, on the other hand, are judged on their looks all the time, but not as much on their accomplishments or initiative. It’s unfair in both directions.
    On a lighter note, I couldn’t get used to how fat Kevin James was for a long time. He’s funny, but man he’s fat!

    1. your comments are so great, bharat. they really are. and you bring up a great point about achievements being more scrutinized in men, which sucks for them. yet, at the same time it sucks for women. because that statement makes me feel like there are a lot of women swinging pretty protest signs and going, ‘over here, over here, look, i’ve accomplished something!’ it’s crazy. sure, women have less pressure in the sense. but, less pressure can also mean less recognition. and then men have far more pressure in the accomplishments regard. in the looks department, it’s completely skewed against women. i guess the long and the short of it is that no one gets a fair hand. i suppose as a comedian or a performer, the looks thing has always bothered me. but, in the end, it is what it is. xo, sm

  23. I’m currently trying to drop some weight for health, not out of some misguided sense of what is attractive, but I get all the feelings of shame and ugliness that get heaped on overweight women. What makes me kind of nauseous is that women who are a normal, healthy weight get called chubby in the media. And men do not receive the same attention, even when they’re being hospitalized for weight-related health problems.

    Keep talking. Maybe someone will listen.

    1. “keep talking. maybe someone will listen.” oh lord. they probably won’t, but for some reason i’m compelled to rant about this sh*t. literally, compelled. i’m so with you. i had this joke about a guy calling me a ‘phat ass’ on the street, which in new york is supposed to be a compliment and this female friend of mine goes, ‘oh yeah, i’ve had that said to me,’ and she was about 50 lbs under me, weight wise. that’s when i went, ‘feck, this happens to every woman.’ and it’s become utterly ridiculous. xo, sm

  24. this is so sad so so so sad…i cant believe the email …people do crazy things but sometimes they crush every line between a joke and meanness …
    Sweet Mom i totally agree with the news lady that kids in our society learn what they hear at their homes, from their parents…if i will call someone fat or short…kids around me will learn to recognize and acknowledge people with same terms…
    good thing she is brave…i don think many of us are that brave…

  25. I was so proud of that woman for the way she handled that. I don’t know what I would have done. She’s completely inspirational, and not in that contrived cosmetic company catering to fat chicks so they sell more crap kind of way, but in a way that is real and completely relatable.

  26. Sorry I’m replying so late after you posted this, but it’s still a fantastic piee even a day later! 😀 Brava, Momma, BRAVA. I’m actually doing a rant about this for Fuck You Friday tomorrow. That news anchor is my new heroine, and you’re absolutely right—fat, ugly SOBs like Jack Black, Kevin James, and any number of other idiots out there can get away with looking like garbage, but if a woman dares to have one extra ounce, she gets a public stoning. It’s so incredibly unfair and it’s disgusting.

    1. noooooo, sorry i’m replying so late. and i’ll be heading over to check out your fu friday piece shortly. wouldn’t miss it! i guess chicks like us need to rant about stuff like this, if not – who will… xo, sm

      1. I guess I should have amended my original statement, since I ended up not posting it yet—it wasn’t flowing the way I wanted it to. But when I do post it, would you mind if I link back to your post?

  27. I’m waiting for the Special K commercial where a guy pulls out his banana thong, looks at himself in the mirror, and wonders if his ass will look big and his thighs dimply in his new suit by the time summer arrives. And you’re so right about the sit-com couples of divergent weights… never see a heavier woman with a wispy man. I’ve never had a problem with weight (thanks to genetics + being raised by a mother who never, ever brought attention to body image, but other, more valuable qualities), and still… I refuse to pick up fashion magazines because I invariably feel “less than” on some way. Physically. I’ve also had the good fortune of being taught early about the right kind of foods to eat… because if we don’t learn it from family, it’s absolutely not taught in schools (not enough, anyway). There was a time (1950s) when nutrition courses were a part of general education in all universities. Until drug companies started making massive endowments … and then guess what happened? No more education about nutrition. And as a country, we’ve become fatter ever since. Anyway, I could rant forever, but good post, valuable insights here!

    1. i should say the same about your comments, laura. great, absolutely great commentary. all of it true. and it sounds like you had a great mom or have. mothers are so important in how a woman’s self esteem forms, especially because we ARE bombarded by magazine racks everywhere. and your special k example – OH! – it’s so good. so good. much love, sm

  28. You have nailed it! You have also inspired me for today’s post. I have struggled with weight and body image for 20 years. I rail against expectations and social standards, it pisses me off.

    Three bullets changed my life forever. Not a choice I made but certainly a redefinition of what was important. It doesn’t change though, even after twenty years and my surface acceptance of circumstance I still am sometimes brought to my knees by the cruelty of judgment, my own and others.

    Oh to have a penis that I could wield with cruelty.

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