“…that is as ridiculous as two men kissing on the mouth! And I don’tcare what is politically correct. Everyone knows that two men on a wedding cake is a comedy skit, not an “alternate lifestyle”! There I said it! Ridiculous!” – Actual Victoria Jackson Quote
Introducing…
ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON!
PART 1
…because this woman is BAT SHIT.
EXT. URBAN STREET – DAY
ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON, 53, stands next to a parked car on a busy street. Standing opposite her, dangerously close to traffic, is an extremely seductive BLONDE WOMAN.BLONDE WOMAN
Why do they call you, “Action Victoria Jackson?”A CAR careens out of no where and sideswipes another car about ten feet away from the women. Action Victoria Jackson grabs the Blonde Woman and SNATCHES her out of harms way, just as the car nearly misses her.
SFX: ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON MUSIC PLAYS
Action Victoria Jackson and Blonde Woman are frozen in an awkward embrace post near-miss. They seem to be holding each other lovingly. Two women walk by.
PASSERBY 1
Ew, LESBIANS.PASSERBY 2
Aw, I think they’re kind of cute.Action Victoria Jackson’s eyebrows raise at the HORROR of being called a “lesbian.” In order to save herself, Action Victoria Jackson does the only thing a conservative woman looking to save the world from homosexuals, Hollywood, and abortionists can do – she PUSHES the Blonde Woman BACK into traffic.
Blonde Woman screams… Blonde Woman gets HIT by car.
SFX: ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON MUSIC PLAYS
Action Victoria Jackson LEAPS up from off the car hood and spins as a CONFEDERATE FLAG CAPE unfurls behind her.
She walks off into the sunset…
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Sweet Mother 
i like it dark, a lot of the time. for some reason, this is -oddly- one of my favorite posts. so glad you checked it out, workspouse. momma is eternally grateful. xoxo, sm
Heh, I like it dark too, I was just caught unawares. It is good. There will be more of this lovable character, I take it? xoxoxox back.
i mean, how can there not be? ;0 i’d write it just for you and i, if necessary… as this lovable character amuses me so… xo
That’s a deal.
This tickled me somehow…. 😉
Remember the SNL skit when she sang “I Am Not A Bimbo”? She was wrong. Completely bat-shit crazy. Great post!
finally, this one was fun again for me. she is such a CEEYOUNEXTTUESDAY, i don’t even know where to begin… but, i think i’m gonna make this a series. i need to dig up some of her old snl stuff, so i can die a little, right in that area near my vag. other people would call it their heart… ohhhhhh, you know what i mean. ha, haaaaaa. love you, bill. xo, sm
VJ drives me crazy! Can’t believe I enjoyed her on SNL… Creepy, crazy, disgusting… Glad you can work out these demons in your iconic style, and glad to see you enjoying it again! Have a good wkend Mom. xo
thanks, second mother. it comes in fits and starts, now, doesn’t it? and creepycrazydisgusting is perfect to describe vj. she’s NUUUUUUTTTTSSSSOOOOOOO! XOXO
Two things: That was odd (I’ve never heard of VJ before today). Still had me spewing my mouthful of BLT onto my table as I laughed out loud.
What if she’s playing a role to feck with people? I’m not saying she is, as I’ve never heard of her, but just for grins & giggles, consider for a second that she is…
ohhhhhhhh how i wish she were. she’s an snl cast member from the 70s/ 80s like the chevy chase period. and she is a dingbat. unfortunately, she believes what she says. but, hey, the upside is that i get to make fun of her. and seriously, she’s like the comedic gift that keeps on giving. xo, sm
So, she’s an evil SweetMother?
You are a gifted comedian that keeps giving. Kidding about her being an evil version of you.
A bit of crude wisdom that may help you deal with the rage she invokes: “Trying to figure out some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.”
llooooool, i love the turd reference, foster! brilliant! and sooooo true. xo, sm
Sweet Mom is she for real?
i checked her out on Google..not a pleasant person.. i didnt like what i read :p
she is a complete wack-a-loon. but, think of the posts i’m gonna get out of her… looool. always trying to find a brightside! xo, sm
Her picture makes me feel like throwing darts…
…at her face.
seriously. i see a whole, ‘action victoria jackson’ series. i have this great idea where when she looks in the mirror, the only thing she sees reflected back at her…IS JESUS. ohhhhh, i can’t wait. looool. xoxo, sm
She is the why kids should not do headstands.
she cray. like real CRAY. xoxo
This woman is real? Incredible. It’s funny, but I was never a big SNL fan but I like it even less now.
she was so so funny at best, imho. she’s back in the ‘limelight’ so to speak because she’s such a nutbag, but i love the idea of a right wingnut action hero…it’s so good on so many levels. xoxo
I have no idea who this woman is but the post was funny . 🙂
it’s better for your soul that you don’t know! loool. but, glad you liked it. suffice it to say she’s a far right windbag who doesn’t know when to stop… i’d prefer it if she started fighting crime… loool. xo
Maybe we should send her a truncheon for xmas. 🙂
i had to look up truncheon! i don’t think i’d give this woman anything solid. she might help herself with it. a feather maybe, but perhaps we should leave it there. loooool. xo, sm
-giggles- Yes, a feather boa would probably compliment her style perfectly. 😉
I’ve wondered all week if her rants were actually an SNL sketch – so very odd.
ohhhh, she says all of her stuff in earnest. that’s what makes it so good… so good… loool. xo, sm
She should be bitched slapped. Some people will do anything for attention including sell their soul, guess the premium for her azz was to low to make a living any longer.
Your take was wonderful and I hope you make a series of this!
Carl Weathers, yummy.
ohhhh, she’s been irrelevant in the comedy world for a long time, me thinks. so, now she’s making her way through the conservative side of the media. and the carl weathers video, i mean it’s just AWESOME! so many good, good, cheesy, 80s lines. i’m dying, dying to redo it. and he looks like apollo creed. was he apollo creed? i think he was… xoxox, sm
Yes, he was Apollo Creed. Yum. Those who thought sly was fine just didn’t understand the fineness of Carl Weathers, I however was the one sitting drooling over the yum factor of Carl Weathers, scritching and scratching over the fine manliness that was oh my yes give me now Carl Weathers.
That is my Hetro coming out. He could eat crackers in the middle of my bed any day of the week and I would not kick him out! I would however force him to be on the bottom.
loooooooooool. oh christ on a cracker, val. this comment is so awesome. so awesome! where is carl now… besides in bed with you… haaaahahahaa. i’ll have to look that up. lawd, thank you for my morning guffaw. xo
Good stuff! Reposting. I’d love to see this made. Is Big Gay Sketch Show still on? You should submit.
it is off the air. in fact, one of them is on snl now. i sent it to jules just to see what she thought. sigh, i wish i had more lezzie contacts that could help me make it. but, alas, i spend most of my time with my wife and some of it in foreign countries. ;0 anyhoo, i’ll probably right some more of these because she is the gift that keeps on giving. miss you, km, hope you and the lady are well and that you come out to la-la soon. xo, sm
Devil’s advocate here. The comments I am reading are eerily close to something she might say about gays and lesbians. When we expose people for being ultra-anything or bigoted, we need be careful we do not demonize them as they try to demonize others. Having said that, the woman IS crazier than a shit house rat. MWAHAHA.
good point. but, i will say as a comedian, you have to be unafraid to demonize anyone (or everyone) knowing full well they will demonize you in return. so, i don’t mind calling her the ‘cray, cray’ that she is. she’s already said (and more) the same about ‘my people.’ so to speak. the thing is she’s SOOOOO out there that she’s a fun target. i think even a lot of conservatives want to dissociate from her. and believe me, if i do anymore of these i will hit on her even more insane comments. for example, one of her most recent…and this is an exact quote: “If I got raped, I would have the baby. And if I didn’t want to keep it because I had these [mocking tone] horrible nightmares, I would adopt it out. But I think that God can turn a bad thing into a good thing. And that, if I got raped and a beautiful baby who was innocent was born out of it, that would be a blessing. The DNA of a baby is individual. It’s not the mother’s DNA. It’s not the father’s DNA. And that’s why I believe abortion is murder, because it’s not the woman’s body. It has it’s own DNA. If there’s a boy baby inside of me, he has a penis. That’s not my body.” i mean, comedians LIVE to make fun of stuff like this. peace my friend, xo, sm
“That’s as ridiculous as two men kissing on the mouth…” Yes, well obviously they’d never kiss on the mouth. That’s so passe. Penises maybe. Now that never gets old.
I wonder what happened to Victoria. Obviously she was damaged in some way–the giant hair bows give it away even before she opens her mouth and waxes poetic with her deep thoughts.