don't get hysterical

Let’s Not Get Hysterical (#345)

I have certain phrases that I say.  Now I even have ones that I write.  “Fecker” might be one that you recognize.  I say, “Let’s not get hysterical,” quite often.  I think it encapsulates a lot of the way I feel often.  We are a passionate people – humans – but sometimes we go too far.  Below are some examples.  They are so ridiculous that I’ve put together a “Monster Truck Rally” for them.  Each needs to be moved down, compacted, and put into its rightful box.

 

Bacon Condoms.
Not only bacon condoms, but bacon lube.  Christ, really?  Granted, I trip the light lez-tastic these days, but even I know that if the “p-unit” really tasted so ungodly then teenagers wouldn’t be falling all over themselves to get their hands (or mouths) on one.  So, let’s stop flavoring it.  Let’s go back to when a pussy-cat tasted like a pussy-cat and a kielbasa tasted like a kielbasa.

 

monster truck

I crush bacon-flavored genitals!

 

Gop Lady And The Fake Gay Marriage
There’s a Georgia Republican lady who says that as soon as gay marriage is legalized straight people are going to pretend to be gay, so they can get benefits.  Have another straight friend with better benefits?  Pretend you queer off and upgrade to Kaiser Permanente.  Honestly, isn’t the Republican symbol an elephant? I thought elephants were supposed to have good memories?  If this GOP trunk hurler had a memory at all, she’d think about all her straight friends in fake green card marriages.  Straight people have been exploiting the system for years and for the benefits of citizenship.  Get off your high elephant and stop the hysteria.  Every system gets exploited like free speech when crazy lady is allowed to talk.

 

monster truck

Eat that, fake gay marriages. Now you are metal pancakes.

 

The 405 Parking Lot
They say Californians only talk about traffic.  This is mainly true.  I do NOT know where or how the ‘surfer’ image of the California came to be true because you can not get anywhere in this town without hitting that 405 and then sitting there at a dead stop for an hour.  It’s supposed to be one of the worst highways in the world.  Every time I’m on it, I dream of jet packs and the motorcycle I should purchase and I fantasize about hitting every car in front of me while soaring out of my body and into my nice, warm, bed.  I suppose I shouldn’t get hysterical, but this sh*tty system made me do it.  People worry about gay marriage and how it will lessen procreation.  I say, “GOOD.  THAT MEANS LESS CARS ON THE FECKIN’ 405!”  Balls.

 

405 parking lot

Welcome to the bullshit. It’s Tehran, but still.

 

That Meme Fecked My Font
You know memes.  Those viral pics with words scrawled across them.  I’ll include one for your perusal below.  Well, there’s a guy that created the Impact font that’s included in most meme language.  Little did he know that he’d be the default meme font.  Question is – will we all tire of the meme font ‘till it goes the way of Comic Sans and becomes a joke all on its own?  I feel bad for people who invent something and then get screwed by it.  Someone create me a meme pic of a font designer getting eaten by his own meme font.  Too meta?  Maybe I’m hysterical.

 

What’s irking you today?  Let it rip in the comments section below.

 

baby godfather meme

 

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Sweet Mother is updated regularly.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so via email at the top right of the page.

 

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Photo creds:

godfather-meme, monster1, monster2, tehran-traffic, feature-image

 

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24 thoughts on “Let’s Not Get Hysterical (#345)

      1. LOL! Actually the crazy thing (well one of the crazy things) is that Karen didn’t fill me in on this detail until I heard her telling the clerk who was helping us that we were a couple. I just about spit Pepsi out my nose.

  1. Hmmm, the GOP lady is a bit confused. There are ‘fake’ straight marriages for benefits already. But the word fake is wrong. They are real marriages for the purposes of benefits. Most college students are better off single, but every so often, certain people in certain situations would get more money if they were married. Knew a few students who got married for that reason, with the intent to part ways after college. Who knows, maybe they decided they liked being together. I didn’t really know them and didn’t keep in touch after that year.

  2. I might not ever stop laughing. Surprisingly, I don’t have my big bloomers in a bunch about anything today. Another day, you may be certain I’ll be ready to blow a gasket over some stupid shit going on somewhere, but Spring has sprung and I’m all ♫ tra-la-la ♫ bunnies and butterflies. Plus, I’m up to my wazzoo in edits.Too feckle-di-do-da hysterical, Sweet Mother.

    1. I’m happy spring has sprung for you; really I am. But is it too much to ask for a little spring in Ohio, too? I’m ready to tear my hair out. Or eat more cheddar Chex Mix.

  3. I had not heard about the Fake Gay Marriage thing. That tops any ridiculous thing I’ve heard or read today. However, getting snow this morning really irked me. Would someone please tell NE Ohio that it’s spring? It melted quickly but it still annoyed the happy out of me.

  4. This was SO FUNNY, Moms! I hadn’t heard of bacon condoms but maybe that’s a good thing. Also, as far as the font guy goes, I would personally be thrilled if something I created got that much mileage. He needs to quit his bellyachin’. It could always be worse. He could have invented the TV, which launched the Kardashians, which is way worse than memes.

  5. Here is an idea about the 405 gridlock: If cars were smaller, that is shorter in length, we could be thousands of feet closer to our destinations while sitting perfectly still! 😉

  6. There are so many things in my shorts today I feel like a man needing to adjust myself constantly. How ridiculous would that look, really?

    This was too good, I laughed and giggled. Bacon is disgusting without adding a whackadoodle to it.

    The Right Wing Whack Job Woman is an ijit, this is my stand and I am sticking to it.

  7. Bacon flavored condoms & lube? I love bacon as much as the next guy, but this is going too fecking far. Unless…is the gay mafia back to tryen to convert straight guys? (kidding)

    You notice how everyone kills a good thing? First was vampires, when they made e’m sparkle, and whine. Then came werewolves: she made them horny little p*****s that cried over sallow bimbettes. Then they destroyed zombies, first by having them invade Star Fecking Wars, then making on fall in fecking love. Oh my stars & garters. Now, it’s bacon. Damn it.

  8. I love bacon, but only when it’s crisp and crunchy. Limp and greasy bacon is horrible. Somehow I can’t see bacon flavoured condoms quite hitting the spot.

  9. May I officially protest against bacon condoms. I honestly do know know how they could possibly be popular. Unless it’s purely as a joke in which case it *is* hysterical!

  10. I’m tired-to-the-brink-of-insane-shriek of “rock star.”

    “She was a rock star at getting that paperwork filled out.”

    “The spaghetti feed went great; you guys are rock stars.”

    These are the antithesis of what rock stars do. If a rock star is organizing a spaghetti feed, he has ceased to be a star of rock.

  11. “Every system gets exploited like free speech when crazy lady is allowed to talk.” Love that line!
    In Canada I would say our “401” is your “405”. Just ask He-Who, I’m sure he will give you a rant about it.

  12. I missed you, Mama! I thought about you yesterday as I spent 20 minutes attempting to rewire the bigotry injected into my 11 year old about gay marriage by his father– my dumb-ass ex. I think I put the cherry on top of my rewiring when I told him that I wouldn’t bat a fake eye-lash if he came to me and said he was gay; that I would be glad he’d figured himself out. (I kinda have to wonder about him sometimes. Not that I care.)

  13. Unlike what SilkPurseProductions says, “Everything is beautiful, in its own way.” Why? Because I reread ee cummings’ “may i touch” and as usual, I was wafted skyward by a cloud of fond memories.

  14. I’ve had some ridiculous conversations about gay marriage. Ridiculous to the point that I just wanted to scream and then rinse my skull of the conversational memory. I’m pretty moderate about most subjects and able to see both sides but this is one that just seems so obvious that opposition makes me a little crazy…like sitting on the 405 with road rage, low blood sugar and a full bladder. That kind of crazy.

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