Hormonies and Pay Checks

Today is a strange day.  I have a case of the hormonies.  After giving my poor, Wifesy, an ear full about how I’m fat and why do I need to be thin?  Is it the triteness and glamour of Los Angeles that is forcing me to try and be so?  Because if that’s the reason, I ain’t doing it.  Is it some kind of crazy, keeping up with the Joneses kind of thing?  Because if that’s the reason, I don’t give a rat’s behind.


Wifesy, said, “No.”  Then she went on to say some very on point things about my past and how I won’t deal with it because of my mom, much like I don’t want to completely deal with my finances because of my dad.  She’s good this Wifesy.  Part brilliant doc, part supercool woman, exceptional human being, part Dr. Feckin’ Phil.  And she is right.  I have to deal with some of this stuff.  And when it’s for the right reasons, I will deal with it.


So, right now, I’m sitting backstage at the International Ballroom of the Beverly Hills Hilton.  This is the exact spot where they film the Golden Globes every year.  Tonight (and today) I’ll be working with the teleprompter person to make sure they get our script right.


My current view…


I say “OUR” because a lot of my jokes either didn’t make it in or were watered down by the powers that be before the script was finalized.  It’s all a very interesting process and I’ve learned a few important things that I will undoubtedly be absorbing and trying to understand.  In the future, there must be a happy place between a writer’s creativity and the final product.  At least, I’d like to try and find it.  I’ve also learned a few things about writer to producer relationships.  Here are a few of my thoughts:



1.  There is a right way and a wrong way to give a writer “notes.”  For one, notes should be given with suggestions and directions for how to proceed.  A note such as “change that” with no accompanying guidelines for what you want the end result to be is not all that helpful.  Sure, a good writer can come up with 100 different versions of something, but if you know what you want, just say it.  It speeds the entire process up.  Of course, if you don’t know what you want, the writer is going to go through the process of coming up with a dozen different versions until they get closer and closer to the one you want.


2.  A writer has opinions.  Within each creative version, you will see their opinions.  Of course, they’ve written it because they like it.  If you want to change it, that’s fine, when you’re signing the check, but don’t get upset with a writer for their creative opinion.


3.  I, personally, am not the best at dealing with things that are “huffed” at me or said with aggression.  This has happened to me many different times with many different bosses at all kinds of levels on the food chain.  For some reason, things get huffed at me, under stress, and then later I’m told that I’m doing, “a very good job.”  I need to learn how to deal with this better.  There’s no way I can change how other people deal with stress, but I need to find a way where if they are on fire, I don’t have to take on the flames myself.  You know what I mean, it’s better to help someone – stop, drop, and roll – then put out their flames by setting yourself ablaze.


So, that’s been my day so far.  Dealing with my own issues in life and in work.  Dr. Freud would be proud.


And Hey, as always – if you, awesome reader, out there, have any ideas as to how NOT to take on the stress of others, I’m all ears.



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27 thoughts on “Hormonies and Pay Checks

  1. I don’t know how to take stress myself… so I won’t comment on that. However as for being bigger and wanting to be thin you have to want to do it for yourself. It doesn’t matter if the doctor says it, your spouse, your friends, your cat. It doesn’t matter if watching the olympics dudes makes you want to shove yourself into a hole and die (my current self-esteem views lol). By doing it for yourself you’ll feel more rewarded and more likely to stick with it. Just saying lol.

    1. noooooo, shane. you are 100% right and that was pretty much the conversation between me and wifesy this morning. i’m at an ‘ok’ weight now, but man – my mother made herself diabetic and if i don’t figure out a plan for myself, well, i have the genetics to go that way. so, i am going to do it FOR MYSELF. i just have to mentally get there. that’s what i’m struggling with now. thanks for commenting, shane. as usual, you are so right and i love hearing your thoughts. and the olympics are giving me low self esteem too. loooool. xo, sm

      1. You’re welcome. Glad to know that the Olympics are affecting people other than me lol. Also thanks for posting daily, I wish I even had an inkling of your motivation to post eveyday.

      2. thanks for saying so, shane. i’m not sure if what i’m posting everyday is ‘worth it,’ but i’ve made the commitment and committed i am. or maybe i should be committed as put in an institution. lol. every now and again, i write a good one, but it is DIFFICULT to keep up the quality when posting day after day, that is for sure. much love, sm

      3. Judging by the number of comments you get on average, I’d say you’re doing A-OK lol.

  2. Hey Mother, good luck with the hormonies. They run my life right now…well, them buggers and my 18-year-old daughter. I don’t know what to recommend for the “being fat” thing; it’s a “HUGE” problem for me, too. My belly is getting bigger and I’m eating less and exercising more. When is that magic pill going to be approved by the FDA??? Believe it or not, I am actually trying out the Green Coffee Bean pill that Dr. Oz recommended. Geez, I’m ashamed to admit that I followed a TV doctor’s advice…my father (the internal medicine doctor) is rolling over in his grave, I’m sure. But I’m willing to try ALMOST anything at this point to get a few EL-BEE’s off! I’ll let you know if I have any luck with it.

    As far as dealing with stress and $hitheads huffing things at you, I always go the “sweet route”. I smile and nod and say, “you’re right”, “oh, what a good idea”, “isn’t that nice”, etc, etc, and then when they turn around, I flip them off behind their back. It’s an immediate release! You just have to remember that they probably have a miserable or non-extant home life. And then I fix a drink, LOL! Seriously, tho’, stress is a killer so we have to figure out a way to deal with it. I’ll keep you posted on that. It’s got to be awful with all the divas it sounds like you have to deal with.

    Keep posting, you’re brilliant! And THAT is Ramelle’s Remedy!

    1. ok, first off, ramelles, i wrote you an entire comment and wordpress ate it. i wanted to say you are a wonderful new addition here. and i’m with you, i’ve got to lose some lbs, i wish there was a goddermned pill for it! i’m losing my mind! i also wish i had the patience and restraint that you seem to have because i feel like i verbally flick the bird to their faces when they snap at me. i really need to get better at not snapping back. it is honestly a constant battle. much love, sm

  3. I have to be careful when people “huff” at me because I’m tempted to “huff” back. But as I’ve gotten older, I better understand it’s their issues that are making them “huffy,” not mine, and as such, I’m much better at letting it roll off my shoulders. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t go home and whine about it to my husband. 🙂

    1. ohhhhhh, carrie, you have no idea. that is so my problem, EXACTLY. when people huff at me, my immediate reaction is to huff back. it is really difficult for me not to. and i am trying, i am soooo trying. and i whine to wifesy about it constantly because there’s been a lot of huffing on this gig. and i know she’s sick of it…looool. much love, sm

  4. Drop back ten yards and punt. That means, think about kicking ’em in the balls (or lips,whichever sex they be), then walk away with a smile on your face. They’ll never admit they need you or that you’re the creative one not they (them?) but you know it. That’s gotta be good enuff. Deep breaths also help…but only after you’ve punted;-)

  5. I’ve had bosses who didn’t set clear expectations and it seemed like I was being set up to fail when they change their mind multiple times – they didn’t really know what they wanted – all I got in response was “I need you to own this.”
    I cannot stand to be told I need to “own” something, i.e. project, issue, results. My own brand of huffiness hardly ever worked in my favor in those situations. Mixed signals are one thing, but outright failure to effectively communicate expectations is just wrong, plain and simple.

    People who expect you to be a mind reader, well, they don’t deserve your soul even for a paycheck. If a direct “tell me what you’re looking for so I can make sure we don’t waste our time” response doesn’t get through, try a conflict resolution technique called “mothering” where in effect you mother the person just like you would a child. Give them two options, make them choose on the spot. 🙂 hope this helps.

  6. Ooh, I am going to be following these comments for days because I also need some advice on how not to take on the stress of others. Husband is having a bad day at work, which somehow means that I’m having a bad day too :/

  7. Sounds like you’re already well on your way to not taking on others’ stress, because you’re aware of it. Sounds simple, but it’s the first step, and honestly, most people aren’t so self-aware.
    The next step that I do (and that I teach my clients) are just some ways of self-talk that help to reframe some cognitive distortions (the distortion being the notion that it’s impossible not to take on others’ stress, etc.).
    My favorite self-talk and way of thinking about it goes like this: it is unfair to you, but also unfair to the other person, for you to be carrying around his/her feelings for him/her. Practice mentally handing back those feelings to the person they belong to. Imagine yourself putting them down and walking away.
    Easier said than done, or course, but I hope it helps!

  8. Another thought just occurred to me: remember the reason that feelings are often contagious is because we’re humans and we’re all connected. It’s that emotional (and awesome) connection we feel with others that means we’re often going to feel how people close to us feel. So just know that our tendency to carry other people’s feelings for them is due to the fact that we’re connected and that we care. if we didn’t care, then that person wouldn’t even be a blip on our emotional radar.
    So congrats to being a healthy, emotionally connected human being!

  9. Oh, SM, I have the same problem. I’ve always got my finger on the Huff trigger, I have a really hard time just letting things roll off my back. I blame it on my Irish-Italian heritage, which means that I’m genetically designed to come out swinging. But still, it’s not good for stress management. One thing that SOMETIMES helps is taking a deep breath and thinking about whether the stressor is a one-shot deal or if it will have future ramifications. That sometimes helps me to put it in perspective. Big hugs to you, SM!

  10. I’m terrible at dealing with stress. My preferred option is to avoid it, which usually isn’t feasible. And why is it that the people who expect us to be mind readers are exactly the people who can’t make up their minds what they want?

  11. Tough one, SM, and I commiserate! One technique I’ve learned to apply is that of clarification. For example, “I heard you say that you want the blue tabs tied to the red bobs, and the yellow danglies need to be 3 feet long. Is that what you meant?” People assume that because writers are in the business of communication, they are able to read their clients’ minds and articulate their vision. So, you need to let them know, as nicely as you can, what they have, in fact, communicated to you, and ask them if you got it right, and proceed from there. Like anything else, it’s a process.

    Ditto for the other issues…it’s a process. And, process, far from being the pain in the ass thing we think it to be, is the gift of baby steps to get to where we’re going.

    Now, go get ’em! xoM

  12. Another stress avoider here but of course that can only work for so long. I think we all play tug-of-war with our self esteem and when we’re losing in one area of life it has a knock on effect in other areas as well.

    So, I’m thinking the weight is a side issue to the stress of work. Creating something for yourself is very different to creating something for a ‘client’. And even the very best of clients can be hard to please but I’m thinking your client didn’t pick you out of a lucky dip, right? They already knew you did good work or they would not have hired you in the first place. Right? So they want Sweetmother’s humour but with a client-flavour?

    That’s the ideal and I’m totally sure that you have achieved that. Both you and your client will /know/ you have achieved that once the accolades start coming in. And they will!

    And once you get that mental pat on the back you’ll feel better all round. You will be in a position of strength and that is the time to deal with historical issues, not now.

    Break a leg!

  13. I wish I had some sage words of wisdom about dealing with the “huffers”. As soon as someone blows up on me or get’s aggressive, I lose all objectivity. Instead of working on a solution, I spend every bit of my energy on wishing them dead. You won’t tell from looking at me, but I am.

  14. I personally like to kick critics right in the nut sack or vag cave. At least that’s what my mind is doing while my smile gets so wide, I think my face is going to split in half. My dad always said when people criticize, it says more about them then it does about you.

  15. I am sorry you’re having stress at work and feeling all bezerkers at home too. I find that I get out of whack when things are going awry at work. Stress makes me all anxious and self-critical.But they hired you for a reason, you’re going to do great and this weird little phase will pass. I like Lyssapants’ sentiments a lot; of all things this is what I took away from a visit to the shaman (insert eyeroll here). Basically this: people are energy. If bad energy is coming at you, you have to practice deflecting it and neutralizing it.

    I am going to go dance under the full moon around the toadstool now to channel some good energy at you. Maybe some chanting too.

  16. I’m late to the party here, SM. I’ve encountered these types of situations my whole life. I’m not sure what it is. I think you’re a very strong-minded, very creative, opinionated person. At least that how I read you and that’s a GOOD thing. Those in charge don’t always take that into account for writers and creative-type people — they don’t “think” like we do. But because they know your creative abilities, they expect you to read their minds, after all, “You’re the writer, you figure it out!” Right? I’ve learned to, with all my strength, be nice and just say — “You may be right” and just finish the job.

    You never know when you may cross paths with these people again and as much as you want to tell them to go to hell, those “links” stretch far sometimes. Good luck, sm and I’m sending you good thoughts!

  17. One of my favorites when someone is hurling verbal violence at me to say, very calmly (if possible), “It’s hard for me to hear you when you scream/yell/flap your arms/bear your fangs, etc.” Then wait for them to take in the information, adjust (hopefully) and proceed. Alternately, just smile and imagine yourself as the duck with everything sliding off your back… 90% of the time, “it’s not about you.”

    Your wifesy sounds like a great “mirror” and partner — keeping you honest and inspired at the same time. Good luck with the work!

    1. She really is pretty amazing and I am very lucky in that regard. Ohhhh, Laura, how I try the ‘duck method’ in the other regard, but usually seem to be too late. It’s usually, I get snapped at, I react, and then I go…I should’ve been calmer there. It’s a tough one for me, but I’m working on it… ay yay yay. thanks for reading, i really do appreciate it. xo, sm

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