Maybe the Funniest Thing I Have Ever Seen

Okay, I was going to write a whole thing today about how I’m trying to catch up with comments and how I’ve received a bevvy of awards and have yet to respond to them, but then I came across what I’m about to show you.  I am literally trembling with excitement as I write this piece and share this with all of you.  It’s glorious.  Sometimes democrazy – oops, democracy – is wonderful in how it allows everyone to have a voice, even the ones who have just stepped out of an insane asylum and who get their political information transmitted by aliens through the tin foil on their leftover turkey pot pies.  This is just so good, I had to share it.  Here’s what I suggest you do.  Read my commentary first, in case you are at work or to just get an incredible overview of what’s in store and then watch the video.  Oh — and be sure to take note of the black-haired fellow sitting directly behind the crazy lady talking.  He’s laughing his ass off and it’s a sight to behold.

 

In quotes you will find my paraphrased versions of what this woman (in the video below) actually said in front of a council exploring the protection of LGBT rights in Lincoln, Nebraska.  Below that in bold, you will find my reactions to her statements.  And lastly…

 

God Bless, America – for the comedy, if nothing else.  Here we go.

 

“People found dead without clothes on are in gay relationships because partners steal clothes after death.”

 

I never knew this.  I don’t know why Wifesy would steal my clothes after I die.  She has full access to my wardrobe while I’m alive.  Maybe this is where the gay rights movement gets all of its funding.  All those Salvation Armies and thrift stores you see around?  They’re really just money fronts for the gay movement.  All the clothing is gathered by gay people who use their penises to determine when someone has died.  The penis (or vag) functions as a gps, once they arrive at the corpse, they strip it, and give the clothes to a thrift store.  The proceeds, of which, immediately go into the gay coffers.  And, of course, all of this happened to Whitney Houston.  But, you knew that, right?

“Winter Wipeout is a show written and produced by gay spies and orgy-ists or homociders.”

 

I’ve never heard about Winter Wipeout.  Is it on Fox?  Is it maybe something you only see in your mind, you, CRAZY BAG O’ DONUTS?!

 

“Anus licking leads to sepsis.”

 

Better go say that in the breeder churches too.  I hear a few of them are HUGE backdoor users.  Especially, the Greeks.

 

“P-E-N-I-U-S goes into anus to rupture intestines.”

 

Um, who told you that?  A man?  They wish.  Because that would be a big D-I-C…oh, nevermind.

 

“Hilary Clinton queered off in college with some Dean’s daughter.”

 

Good for you, Hilary. 

 

“AIDS is a Candida and gay people feck corpses.”

 

Yeast infections can also come from candida.  So, you had better go stand in the Monistat aisle at the supermarket, you, CRAZY BAG O’ DONUTS.  You better get to telling all those ladies they’re about to get AIDS.  Thanks for explaining the gay to corpse thing.  I was always wondering why the best gay bars were right next to the morgue. 

 

“Children in San Francisco have horrible test scores and rape each other hetero.”

 

OMG, “RAPE EACH OTHER HETERO” — that has to go on a t-shirt somewhere.  I picture a Jersey Shore cast member saying it to his other well ab-ed and tanned cohort:  “My buddy was looking so good after that gym workout and tanning session that I almost cruised him in the locker room, but instead we raped each other hetero.  Now, we’re going to the club to get some hos.”  WHAT IN GOD’S NAME.  I CAN’T.  I CAN’T CONTINUE.  Who knew poor test scores were a result of raping one another hetero.  And if people are raping each other hetero, aren’t they solving her problem?  You’re logic is being poorly translated from out of that tin foil, you Crazy Bag O’ Donuts.  Wait, what logic?

 

“Judas was a homo.  Do you choose Jesus – a celibate or Judas – a homo?  Because you have to choose.”

 

Lady, Judas was metrosexual.  Your gaydar is way off.  I think because the aliens are taking up your entire brain-feed.  Ay yay yay.

 

Now, please, without further adieu…ENJOY the best anti-gay video I have ever seen.

 

 

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Video credit:  Mediaite